America's premiere, George "Double-Yoo" Bush, is set to cost Britain four times as much money as the Iraq War. The figures, released today by a bunch of local men from a nearby pub, have startled and shocked the public, as James Monroe explained:
"When we sat down at the table for a drink and a chat, conversation slowly moved towards Bush's visit to England. My friend Arthur had already told us that the Iraq War cost about 350 billion pounds, which startled me.
But what started me more was when my other mate, Randy, told me that Bush's visit was costing upwards of 1500 billion pounds, which...well, I don't know if that's over a trillion pounds or not....but it's a lot of flaming money!"
The figures have been confirmed by Downing Street this evening and are set to cause massive problems for the treasury. Income tax is likely to be raised to somewhere near the 90% mark, up by only 3%. However, those with mortgages can expect to pay upwards of £900 per day of Mr Bush's visit.