Written by Joe Leff
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Monday, 4 November 2013

An elderly book-lover has complained bitterly that her local library was too quiet.

"There was a deathly silence about the place," moaned 75-year-old Lily Brearian, who has been using the library in Gateshead for over 50 years. "And recently I've not noticed any librarians around, so no-one's even whispering 'Shush!!'"

Last night, Mrs Brearian was observed by passers-by as she shouted loudly through a partly-open window on the top floor of the library.

When police went to investigate, they had to break down the front door of the building. This made a lot of noise and Mrs Brearian soon felt a bit better. The police also said she could use a portable radio which they lent to her.

Social workers are making arrangements for a mobile meals delivery service, as she has already used her annual allowance of inter-library loans. "I'm absolutely skint," she shouted.

Gateshead Council said the library has been closed for five months and is awaiting demolition.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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