Written by victoria
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Topics: Chat rooms

Saturday, 28 May 2005

image for She's not heavy, she's my lover.
One man's object of desire is another man's...elephant?

Most people find love in the usual places. For example, in the modern age of the computer most people are satisfied with spending all of their waking hours trawling through seedy chat rooms in search of that someone special, after all people often say to themselves ‘if its good enough for the kiddy nappers….' And if love isn't found here it can frequently be found in the phone box down the road.

Alternatively some people are happy to spend many an hour down the bowling alley wearing only a grime-encrusted mac and one shoe searching for, various people say stalking, that out of the ordinary someone, or some people will sit in a cyber café hoping to meet eyes over their mocha, coco, triple shot, foam, no foam, latte, caramel coffee flavoured excuse for a drink, some people. Some people.

Well readers, and the thicks who use the talking books, Contender Williams is not some people. He opted to find love in a very unusual place-at his place of work. You're obviously thinking (not the thicks) that's not so unusual, but wait-don't jump to unfounded conclusions, it gets worse, very much worse.

Contender Williams is a zoo-keeper (very much a dying breed, what with the introduction of robots) and despite society, he fell in love with an elephant, ‘Beaky'. ‘Cont' as friends and strangers alike often shout in his face, fell head over heals while mucking out his beloved due to the fact that she charged at him in a confused escape attempt.

After waking up from a two hour concussion and an elephant foot in the face, Cont was convinced that he and Beaky were meant to be together. When questioned about the possible connection between the concussion and this unprecedented display of passion doctors commented "there is absolutely no connection what-so-ever at all, he's just a sick ‘b*****d' and despite medical evidence and common sense we'd have to concur, we just would."

This appears to be just another ‘oh no, I've fallen in love with an elephant' calamity; we don't know what all the fuss was about, really we don't. What we do know, however, is that we often catch ourselves with our hands in the petty cash (don't tell gov'ment) and on occasions we catch ourselves thinking why do we spend our lives chasing stories up dead ends, a quick swig of gin soon smacks that in the face though.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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