Written by CaptainSausage

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Sunday, 3 November 2013

image for Richmond Council announces record profits
Money, money, money, as ABBA insightfully sand

Richmond Upon Thames' Borough Council have announced record profits for the year 2013. After another hike in council tax and further cuts in services, they have managed to increase their profits by 12%, with turnover up 6% too.

Prime Minister David Cameron welcomed the news, saying that this demonstrated that the British economy was back on track and could soon recover the lost value from the recent downturn.

Chancellor George Osbourne hinted that if enough councils were profitable, they could be next in line for privatisation. He indicated that many companies would love to snap up a piece of British democracy and earn a fortune on it.

Neighbouring Hounslow council made a loss of £30 million, an even worse performance than last year. They blamed their poor results on low tax income and the cost of providing public services for a large number of poor people.

A spokesman for Hounslow council said, "Obviously, we wish business was booming like it is in Richmond, but we have a number of toxic assets in the borough - the main one of which is the human population. Ideally, we'd like to relocate our council into Richmond and provide them with some competition. Let's see how profitable they are then."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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