Written by Gary Potter
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Wednesday, 30 October 2013

image for Halloween fightback! - Pensioners encouraged to join in the fun!
David Cameron

In a recent campaign by Help The Fogies, pensioners are being encouraged to fight back against the youngsters who traditionally terrorise them under the guise of a 'bit of fun'.

Traditionally, in America, Trick or Treat is where children and menacing teenagers knock on the doors of the weak and vulnerable, dressed in frightening costumes and ask for a 'treat' else a 'trick' will result. This should not be confused with extortion or blackmail however. The practice was imported in the 1980's as the British decided that they would like to be more American. Long before people started to use Season, instead of Series, and Fall instead of Autumn.

Parents like to accompany young children, dressed as grotesque zombies and grim reapers, as they visit the frail and elderly, in the quest for cadging money and sweets. Parents of older children are encouraged to "let the kids have their fun, they're only young once", and enjoy their rampage of intimidation.

Now, Help The Fogies, have announced that enough is enough. In their brief guide, they encourage our old war heroes to revive their Dunkirk spirit, and let the kids have it.

A spokesman for Help The Fogies, Louis Walsh, told us "There are various things that we are encouraging the elderly to do. Never give them money is the first point. Often the disappointment at receiving and edible treat is enough to deter further visits. If edible treats are given, we suggest out of date chocolate, or pet chocolates in disguise. If at all possible, joke chocolates that give the kids the shits are preferable. And finally, now the laws on using reasonable force in your own home have been relaxed, we urge pensioners to angrily taunt and even chase the scallywags with sharp garden implements or axes, swinging them manically. The kids should really enjoy either the crippling stomach pains or being terrified out of their wits."

Prime minister David Cameron said "It's about time them little c*nts got their cumupence. Tw*ts."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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