In the latest of a series of embarrassing incidents for the NHS, St Jesus' Hospital in Dorking has been criticised after it was revealed that hospital workers routinely flush dead bodies down the toilet in order to quickly free up beds for new patients.
The practice came to light after staff mistakenly tried to flush the body of Mr Herbert Ballcock, 72, before he was dead. Mr Ballcock explained, "I awoke that morning to a damp sensation on my legs and the sound of a toilet flushing repeatedly. There was nothing unusual about that, but I could also feel the flabby hands of Nurse Boris attempting to stuff my body inside the loo in our ward. She seemed startled by my sudden waking up and went to fetch a doctor. The two of them then attempted to flush me head first, but I told them to stop. At that point they gave up and took me back to bed."
A spokesman for the hospital admitted that it was standard practice to flush dead bodies, but apologised to Mr Ballcock for his premature attempted flushing. Nurses are to be retrained in being able to tell if somebody is dead or not, in order to avoid any similar embarrassing incidents in future.
The NHS have said that the hospital is not unique in its unusual method for disposing of "human waste". St God's Hospital in Chalfont St Peter uses a woodchipper to recycle its patients into food for the local cattle farm.