Written by victoria
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Wednesday, 12 October 2005

image for Is this the slowest girl in the world?
And we're still on the first note!

Is this the slowest girl in the world? People seem to think so. She can regularly be found in the last place you left her, this was the first clue says sources. ‘Flat cap' as she was once nick named for no apparent reason, has struggled to come to terms with the concept of speed all of her life. Born into a family, it was apparent that she was no normal kiddy she was a positive oddity, some people say freak show and they would be spot on and well within their rights.

The problem lies with the parents, as is often the case. If they had spotted that their daughter was wrong earlier she could have been put away in a box and not given a second thought. Unfortunately it is far, far, far too late for any of that business, she is now over 18 and as a result no longer qualifies for the ‘shove ‘er in a box treatment' something to do with the law or summat.

The condition, as yet unnamed due to the on going competition ‘name that infirmity' send you're answers on a postcard to an address, has plagued flat since birth. She is unable to move at speed or react to any form of stimulation although doctors have reason to believe that there is extensive brain activity. They also claim to have reason to believe that smoking does not cause internal damage, wellll we don't like the sound of your reasoning Mr. Doctor.

‘We don't want that on our streets, we've got our own families to protect' comes the cry from everyone she passes. It's a sad situation that we can't be bothered to do anything about. We have asked her to comment but we are still awaiting her reply, scientists say that we are wasting our time.

We're not really sure, but one things for sure she needs our support, not ridicule although this is time and again much more fun and lets face it by the time the insults, egg innards and horse doings have reach her sub-consciousness you'd be far, far away.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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