Written by Backandtotheleft
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Topics: Royal Baby

Thursday, 24 October 2013

Since the Duchess/Princess/Creature gave birth to our future king the public haven't stopped fawning over her like some sort of cured leaper in a colony. There have always been rumour and controversy surrounding the Royal family, from the Diana "accident" to the fact the Queen Mother may have in fact been Hitler, some things won't go away.

When pictures emerged of the Princesses post baby stomach a number of observers pointed out that she seemed to have gotten back into shape rather quickly. Intrigued by this absolutely foudationless speculation BATTL news decided to do some digging.

After realising that we would gather more answers by talking to people rather than just digging a massive hole in the ground, we began our inquiries.

We were sent in the direction of a one Mr. B.Shit a one time anti Royal campaigner turned pro royal novelist. He met us in a abandoned
Little Chef on the A1.

He said:

It seems odd that the Princess was able to get her banging body back so quickly when so many other mums look like a squeezed roll of toothpaste.

We nodded

Let me show you something

He takes a cushion out of a bag and shows it to us. In a single movement he puts it up his jumper. For a moment we don't get the point of the exercise, then like been slapped in the face by a fish we get it!

The baby is nothing more than a cushion!

Mr. B.Shit shakes his head we have obviously missed the point, it's not the first time.

We ask him what he's getting at.

The pregnancy was fake! She was wearing a fake baby bump and she had a surrogate carry the future heir to the throne. It's the perfect crime.

We thanked the crackpot for this insight into the world of fake pregnancies and we left pondering the implications of such a event

If she did indeed fake the pregnancy for what end? Just so she could keep her body? She's too posh to push? Does she even have a vagina? There are too many questions to be answered by one half arsed news report and we implore one of brother publications with greater resources to take up this story. Possibly the Daily Star as they'll print anything.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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