Written by Herrdoktorfox
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Wednesday, 23 October 2013

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Police pointing their 'helmets' at potential offenders!

In the never-ending wake of the 'Plebgate' debacle and scuzball Andrew Mitchell's perpetual whingeing for an apology another Tory cretin has jumped upon the band wagon.

David-so good they almost named him twice-Davis has suggested that Police Officers wear small cameras on their helmets thus recording their entire 'movements' throughout any given shift.

This proposal has come as a total shock to the average copper, not least PC Dick Trickle who suffers an ongoing bladder and bowel problem. The very mention of movements caused him to shit himself at the thought of his every bowel movement being recorded, further aggravated by his concern that the camera would be mounted on his 'helmet'!

However, after being assured by his Station Sergeant that the terminology, helmet, pertained to his headgear rather than his dong, PC Trickle was immediately relieved...sadly wetting his left leg in the process!

Meanwhile, many female Police Officers are more than a little concerned regarding their make-up whilst on duty, as one nubile officer put it: "If I am going to be filmed on/off all day then it's only right I have a personal make up artist at hand innit. Could you imagine that Keira Knightley bint doing an eight hour shift without having her slap overhauled, no way Jose!"

As for PC Jack Hammer, renown for his heavy handed approach when dealing with offenders, especially during the night time hours, welcomed the idea. "I'm a bit of a movie buff meself" said Jack, "loves them hard nut actors like Vinnie Jones, Jason Strapon, Ray Winstone and Bob Hoskins like, plenty of aggro and blood, luvverly stuff! Me favourite 'hartistic' scene has to be from Clockwork Tangerine when them Droogs is kicking seven bells of shite out of that poxy tramp, han'some right up me alley, and his! Me off-sider PC Tim Burr is a bit of a dab hand wiv photography so I'll have 'im film me when I'm smacking the crap out of some bloody immigrant who don't speak the lingo, for me private film collection you understand!"

As for Mr David-so good they almost named him twice-Davis, he is confident that such a revolutionary idea could make money for the Tory Party, after all it made millions for Max Sennett and his Keystone Kops!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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