Written by IainB
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Monday, 14 October 2013

image for White Wine is reclassified as Yellow Wine in the EU
This is not me

All white wine sold from December onwards will have to be called yellow wine after an in depth colour investigation over the past five years has shown that the wine is not white.

"The wine is a kind of straw yellow," said Oz Clarke, wine aficionado and general knob. "It's not white. This is white. It's what colour looks like if you take the colour away."

Although white wine will become yellow wine, it is unlikely to change the flavour.

"Pinot Grigot will still taste like water, and Echo Falls will still be too expensive," said Clarke. "But neither will it be white."

Red wine will continue to be called red wine, especially as several shades of red are named after types of red wine.

"White wine fans are up in arms," said Clarke. "They feel that they're being unfairly penalised. Or Pinot Grigo-liased, hahaha. Do you see what I did there?"

The World Wide White Wine Wonders Website have stepped up to the mark and stated it will spoil their acronym.

Oz Clarke feels that this is the least of white wine's worries.

"I'm not sure that people will take to yellow wine," said Clarke. "It doesn't have the same kudos. Imagine ordering a yellow in a pub? A large glass of yellow please."

Clarke has a solution.

"Vino Jaune sounds okay," said Clarke. "You could get away with that. Plus it's exotic and French. Although, Vino Blanc still has my heart."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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