Written by Joe Leff
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Monday, 30 September 2013

A family of four came to blows whilst rushing to eat porridge too quickly yesterday morning.

George and Mary Otterstuff had broken noses after they threw porridge dishes at each other. Their children, Gemma and Emma, suffered burnt lips and tongues after they'd been told they'd be late for school if they didn't hurry up and finish their breakfast.

"We were in a hurry," said Mrs Otterstuff, rather nasally. "So I cooked the porridge in the microwave. But I've never used one before. It was red hot."

"Ah luv ma oats first thing in the morning," mumbled Mr Otterstuff. "We tried blowing it, but hers went all over ma face. So I lost my cool and threw ma dish at her. She blamed me for turning up the microwave setting, and chucked her dish at me."

Counsellors have advised the family to get up earlier in the mornings, and Mr & Mrs Otterstuff have agreed to attend a 2-week course in 'Microwaving Porridge.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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