London - The infant brat will be dunked in the font the day before William's half-sister Rebekah Brooks stands trial at the Old Bailey on hacking and corruption conspiracy charges.
Tonight her invite to the Palace's post-christening piss-up lies in tatters along with some bareback riding leather jodhpurs last worn out on the gallops with twin brother Big Dave C.
Announcing the 23 October shindig flunkies said it was most unfortunate that the baby's eight godparents will all be in the Old Bailey dock alongside Brooks and former No 10 spin doctor Andy Coulson.
Some other godparents have been hastily cobbled together by Palace astrologers looking for fat wallets and unfettered access to class A drugs.
David Beckham and Mo Farah are believed to be 5/4 joint favorites for the godfather slots with Samantha Cameron and Sharon Poosmith mooted for the godmother job share. [Who dat? 'Ed']
The day itself promises to start with a jolly great big bang as next year's exhibit for Trafalgar Square;s empty plinth is announced...as a pair of Sally Bercow's soiled knickers hanging on a Palace pf Westminster washing line.
The Earl of Lower Slaughter's been dead since 1954.