Written by Backandtotheleft
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Sunday, 22 September 2013

Ed Miliband has finally shown his hand to the political world at large by declaring:

"I want to bring Socialism back!"

Considering your average voter no longer knows what socialism is this could be seen as a bit of a mute point. However Back and to the Left news are riding to Ed's rescue! We have three things that will get voters off their seats and into the booths.

Furbies: Remember when these child's toys were banned from Government buildings because they posed a security threat? What if politicians embraced them in their second coming? How cute would it be if the next time we saw Ed Balls ranting on about something (price of tomato sauce?) if he had a sleepy Furby on his shoulder? You might vote not vote Labour but you won't feel the overwhelming urge to punch him in his moaning trap.

The A-Team: Ed's sick of terrorists. You're sick of terrorists. I'm sick of terrorists. These guys would not only sort the terrorists out but deliver a set of top notch one liners. Also it would be cheaper than running a full army as there's only four of them. So you have a policy that saves money and kills terrorists. Foolproof.

Synth Based Music: Quite simply if Labour backed/recorded/released several records that ring in a new golden era for synth based pop, they will win the next election. Why? Because no-one ever feels down when synth pop is blasting out of every radio station.

As we know Ed follows Back and to the Left news's political outputs (we have been approached to print Labour friendly views on a number of occasions. We have refused at all because we want to remain impartial. Also they didn't offer us much of a bribe) we would hope that he takes heed of our advice. At the very least try's to formulate a selection policy that can directly challenge the minds of the voters and actually give them a choice. Or he can carry on pissing his party's elections chances away by dithering like a teenager trying to put a condom.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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