Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 21 September 2013

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One billion squid and a whole year to destroy this toxic stockpile

London - Pics of Big Dave out for the count on some ho's double bed have reassured pubic opinion a Party spokesperson said tonight.

The PM and his red Official Dispatch Box were snapped in flagrente after shagging Kate Middleton at a Master Bates Motel.

Fortunately only CIA turncoat Edward Snowden ever got to see the snaps and now he's a Ruskie citizen the nudie pics pose no security threat whatsoever.

Commenting on the media stink Syrian President Bash-Ear Al Ass-Sad said, "It's going to take at least one year and a billion dollars to completely destroy the offending stockpile."

Meanwhile Canadian lawyers who arranged the adoption of Kate and Dave's secret brat 19-odd years ago have posted yet another massive annual profit as 'keep-yer-gobs-shut' retainers keep the Justin Bieber scam rolling.

Newly appointed Bank of England governor Mark Carney's Gamblers Anonymous electronic ankle tag needs a new GPS chip.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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