Written by Paxton Quigley
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Friday, 20 September 2013

image for Scientists Reveal Cats' Shocking Secret
Happy, sad, angry or just miserable? Young Botox victims

It has always been a mystery to mankind. Even though we love them, pamper them, feed them and give them shelter, why do cats have a permanent look of disdain for humans? Why are they always refusing to show their emotions? Is Tiddles happy, sad, smiling, frowning, excited or irritated? Are cats just eternal curmudgeons or even sourpussies?

After many years of research an elite team of scientists from the Royal College of Veterinary Surgeons has finally discovered the secret of cats' lack of emotional display: they are addicted to Botox.

An RCVS spokesman explained.

"We always thought that it was the lack of facial muscles in cats which prevented them from showing their feelings, but after many years of research, including taking biopsies and subjecting them to physiological and psychological tests, we discovered that the facial muscles which they do possess are fully functional, or they would be if the little buggers hadn't injected themselves with Botox.

"It seems that cats are completely and utterly vain and are desperate to ward off the ageing process, so much so that they discovered Botox long before humans did and have become completely dependant on it, regularly injecting each other in secret cat clinics.

"What worries the Royal College is that if cats also latch on to cosmetic surgery we may be inundated with requests for cat boob jobs, fur transplants and tail enhancements, not to mention gastric bypasses for the tubby ones."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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