Balmoral - "Where's Mrs Thatcher when one needs her?" Queen Elizabeth moaned today as she watched old 'The Enemy Is Socialism And The Labour Party' vids of the old bird's signature rap.
A return to old-style Labour stalinism after the next election would mean the end of snouts-in-the-royal-trough that each year bankrolls the wastrel Windsors to the tune of thirty five million squid.
"Of course we could just chuck that Milliband in the Tower," the Duke of Edinburgh suggested blithely, "along with all those other socialist trolls."
The last loonie leftie incarcerated for a while in the Tower of London was sometime Labour Foreign Secretary Robin Cook - whose eventual sudden, unexplained death on a craggy Scottish mountainside was put down to a dizzy spell after a boozy lunch.
"Hmm," HM retorted looking horrified, "it would be a whole lot more sensible, Philip, if Mr Miliband went for an afternoon's stroll in some charming country park, just like that WMD chap Dr David Kelly...
"Or turned up somewhere in a North Face hold-all like that MI6 spook."