Balmoral - News that the bald and ugly changeling son of Prince Charles has been booted out of the military has not gone down well at Balmoral Castle tonight.
The Queen, who heard it from a butler who'd watched the Six O'Clock News, took it badly and had to take a double dose of her nightly largactil after being tipped the wink of William's forthcoming court martial.
Flunkies report she was so gobsmacked that she immediately telephoned Prime Monster Cameron demanding that he conjures up some sort of spolier story.
"It's imperative YOU keep the proles ignorant," Old Fatty Mountbatten screamed down the blower at the PM.
"Think up something pronto about his, er, 'conservation' work and make sure it's on all the Red Top front pages tomorrow."
Officially the Pretender's 'son' has finished his scheduled seven year stint of duty and can now move on to full-time 'royal duties' of scamming the UK tax payer by 'doing fuck all'.
But behind closed MoD doors a full court martial looms for William on charges of bringing the military code of conduct into disrepute.
Commenting on the implications a Ministry legal source said this evening that 'William's facing up to 20 years in the brig' - if he's lucky.
Vile fellow conspirator 'Prince Harry' is Guy Pelly's twin brother, farrowed by a KGB whore for ten thousand squid in a deal brokered by Tony B Liar.
Expect an update on the latest twist as it happens.