In a meeting today at City Hall, London Mayor Boris 'The Blade' Johnson unveiled his new and ambitious plan for Londoners all over the world, especially ex-pat cockney's living in Spain who are on the run from the short arm of the law.
Boris, famous for riding his bike and most of his PA's too, spoke about bringing back all the criminals who were being protected by corrupt Spanish officials: ''we want to bwing bwack all those wuffians who stwole money frwom our bwanks and wan away to spwain to live in compwete wuxury''.
He went on to say ''cwininals are vwery stupid, what I pwopose is that we change the names of our fwamous landmarks in London and it would fool the wuffians as they would not know where they were going if they ever got on an aworpwane or a twian, so we could awwest them on Old Bwighty''.
Asked what he meant about changing London's famous landmarks names and re-branding them Boris said, ''well we can change the name of the Shard to the 'Needle' and the building next to the shard, which is called ''The Lard'' we can call the 'Square Thingy'' and London Bridge Station can be called the Station at London Bridge… I am cwertain that it would fool the wuffians into coming back to face justice''.
Today, a Cockney, who cannot be named for legal reasons spoke out against Boris's idea saying ''have a butchers hook, al a mode, the trouble and strife, had a butchers at me Plymouth Argyll's whilst I was having a King Leer daan the Aresthusa when me Shetland Isles, Geoff Hurst all over me Bobby Moore of me Sherbet Dab… That Boris is a right wanker and he aain't my China Plate''.