Written by IainB
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Friday, 23 August 2013

image for Wales to adopt the fathom instead of the mile
Wales Green and Pleasant Land - in Fathoms

Having spent millions ensuring every sign and leaflet in Wales is in both Welsh and English, thus ensuring the survival of the language, the Welsh are now to redo all road signs with miles on, and replace them with fathoms.

"We don't like the mile," said David Williams, Welsh Advocate. "It's too English. However, the Welsh unit of measurement 'Just Round The Corner' isn't really precise enough for most modern drivers, so we had a scan around for something more suitable."

Initially, the Welsh Assembly were going to go with Kilometre, but this does not translate well into Welsh, and sounds vaguely rude.

"We've been through lots of different measurement units, including the cubit," said Williams. "However, most people don't know how far they are. I suppose we could have made them up."

Eventually, Welsh Historian, David Jones, discovered that the previously supposed English word "Fathom" is a corruption of the Welsh word Ffaddwm, and that the nautical term was borrowed from the Welsh as the British navy took off.

"Most people don't realise," said Williams, "that the British navy was populated with a lot of Welsh people, back in the reign of some spiteful English king or other."

For this reason, the fathom, or ffaddwm, will now be used on all road signs to indicate distance. One mile is eight hundred and eighty fathoms, so to prevent all distance road signs having to be extended to allow for huge numbers, the Welsh word for one thousand "mil" will be used as a prefix for ffaddwm, creating the milffaddwm, shortened to "mil" on the signs.

Additionally, all cars made in Swanswea will not have Miles Per Hour on the speedometer.

"We have a slower pace of life in Wales," said Williams, "so the speedos will be in Fathoms per Fortnight."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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