Written by Crispy Peaburger
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Topics: UKIP

Monday, 19 August 2013

image for UKIP Responds To Reeves' Challenge.
Nigel Forrage.

Ukip have finally responded to the challenge set out by former chess champion and Labour shadow Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Rachel Reeves against Stuart Wheeler, the UKIP Treasurer, after he made comments during a debate about whether companies should be forced to appoint more women to senior posts.

The Statement, written in crayon, read:

"Here at UKIP we are ready and willing to accept the challenge set out By Miss Reeves. However, we will only participate provided certain criteria are met.

Firstly we want all the Black pieces in the set to prove beyond any reasonable doubt that they have the right to live and work in the UK. Too often we see game pieces that are here illegally taking all our Pawns and even kidnapping our lovely, white Queen!

Secondly we ask that the game is changed from Chess to Ker-Plunk. This is by no means a reflection on the average IQ of our senior members but is a necessity as all our annual budget has been spent by Nigel on Twatlleston's Lurpak Infused Best Ale.

Finally we also request that Miss Reeves change her sex as we feel it demeaning that we would have to play such a game against a female type woman. It's not that we're sexist or anything it's just that she might have her lady time during the match and go all "huffy".

Statement Generated by Idiotic Statements LTD"

This is not the first time Ukip has courted controversy over women. One of it's lesser known members a Mr Granville Porridge of the Creamy Battenburg constituency recently claimed that "all Giraffes must be female as they can't make up their minds what colour they are!" Other party members, some high ranking, have denounced these claims of sexism saying "Of course we're not sexist. Why we have at least 1 women in our party. I think she's called "Hello Darlin'". UKIP leader Nigel Furrowed-Brow (pictured) was unavailable for comment as he is currently visiting Blackpool Zoo to check the immigration status of the Penguins.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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