Shock descended on Middle Thrash on Monday afternoon, after drunken locals believed to have seen The Stig holding up the hamlet's post office.
Terrence O'Dyer saw a "man in a strange white suit" jump out of a 1975 Vauxhall Viva with a shooter, and enter the said post office.
"Ooo, I could tell he was a wrongun, just from the way he touched the knob on the door handle" Mr O'Dyer added.
"You just knew that had already done, probably around 12-14 for cheese bothering and aggressive pointing (amongst other spurious charges)"...
"He looked like a right toe rag..." Mr O'Dyer then spent another half an hour going on about some cockney cliches or other...The interviewer soon got as bored as a rubber man, and legged it quick smart.
It was only after investigation, it was realised that it was actually a man in a bee keeping outfit who had been naughty, but has since done a runner with all the loot.
Early on Tuesday morning, following a tip off by 3 million viewers, Officers were seen outside The Stig's house in Swan Thessop, where he was rectally probed on his driveway. It was only thanks to a passer by, who put up a towel shield to prevent further ritual humiliation..
The Stig was later released on a leash after the slip up by the Wombles was discovered.
The Bee Keeper man was actually a woman, Kerry Mishape, a 25 year old Badger Stimulator from Ethel Coughing. She is due in Small Cupping magistrates court on friday. Tickets to the show can be bought from the town's Brothelcreepers pub.