The Royal Family was in joyous mood last night as they welcomed a new addition into the world - a bouncing baby lizard. Proud parents the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge confirmed that the male reptoid, delivered at London Zoo, weighed in at a healthy 7 stones 8 pounds. However, at only 8 foot 6 tall it is considered significantly shorter than the average baby from the lower fourth dimension.
A senior vet at the zoo was not duly concerned about the reptile's lack of height claiming "This is quite normal in the early stages of cold blooded vertebrate Reptilla; once the creature is weaned off Cow and Gate and onto sacrificed human babies we should see a significant spike in physiological development."
Senior Royal Correspondent, David Icke, once a huge critic of the so called "Reptilian Agenda" and "Babylonian Brotherhood" enthused "Mother and reptile are both doing well and proud Daddy reptile has already decorated his car with signs proclaiming "Human Eating Shapeshifter On Board" and "Dad's Satanic Ritual Abuse Taxi". He continued "The Royal Family of old were rather stuffy but not these modern Royals. They are 21st Century Royals with a sense of humour. The hidden hand is no longer hidden and the veil is falling."
It is expected the new reptile will be named Bernard in honour of Bernard The Gormandizing Goat God Of Babylon.
Mr Icke was asked who he thought the baby looked like. He said "Mmm, that's a tough one - We'll, he's got his mother's eyes and dad's tail but he's definitely got the Duke of Edinburgh's thick scaly skin."
But the gaffe prone Duke hit back "Utter bollocks. I've seen more scales at a Slimming World meeting."