Buckingham Palace was surrounded and cut off by hordes of protesters this evening as news was released that a baby boy had been born to William Saxe-Coburg-Gotha-Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Gluecksburg, colloquially known as "Wills", and his specially selected breeding partner-in-crime who goes by the sobriquet "Kate".
Carrying banners proclaiming that every baby is "Born Equal", munching on muesli bars, wearing sandals and brandishing copies of the Guardian, free thinking members of the British public refused to be cowed by the presence of obsequious media toadies and lickspittles trying to convince the country that this was an "historic event" and important for the future of the state. Japanese and American tourists looked on aghast as resounding shouts of "Sod off, Windsor parasites" and "Try raising the brat on benefits, you inbred retards" reverberated outside the palace fences.
As the chanting grew louder, a wrinkled and frazzled old blonde, who some identified as "that Camilla woman", was seen to come out to the palace balcony cradling a glass of gin and tonic. Pausing momentarily to light a roll-up and have a few drags, the Duchess of York, for it was indeed her, returned through the French windows whereupon her spouse, Charles "I believe in witchcraft" Windsor made an appearance. Obviously drunk and swigging from a bottle of Bollinger, the red faced "Prince of Wales" stood facing the assembled throng of his future "subjects" and was heard to shout "Fuck off, you plebs. Can't one celebrate becoming a grandpa in peace?" He was seen then to be ushered back within the safe confines of the palace by a coterie of liveried footmen.