Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 17 July 2013

image for Viagra ban for Prince Philip
Nits Ma'am? As in Nuits St Georges Bouche?

Windsor - "Bloody country's going to the dogs if a bloke can't have his little blue pills," a wrecked isle dysfunction specialist at the Palace said today as searing temperatures continued to cook Prince Philip's giblets.

The nonagenarian curmudgeon is holed up in Windsor Castle's Pinochet Mammorial Wing with nothing better to do all day than stare and swear at a 72 inch plasma screen.

Mostly it's news reports about 'oldies dropping dead like flies' in the infernal blasted heat that see him explode with flaccid rage about being 'killed orf' by the bleedin Liverpool Pathway Plan.

Meanwhile an infestation of ticks, mites and nits has taken over much of the 11th century Castle where Philip is convalescing after last month's hospital sickie.

Stifling night time temperatures caused by sub-Saharan winds have also brought a colony of lethal oak processionary moths to Windsor Castle.

And a new hive of around 5,000 has infiltrated the royal bedchambers where it is 'proceeding to eat the oak-frame four posters' - according to Philip's tweet today.

"Aargh. At the larval stage the bug is a major exfoliator of oak in Europe and a toxic irritant to human flesh," Philip's message read.

"Don't expect to survive until the bloody Second Test."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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