London - "We'd followed them since early dawn," PC Blaggs explained tonight, "blimmin well took me and the sergent 16 hours to climb the effin Shard before we nabbed the perpetrators on an aggravated trespass charges."
Witnesses at London Bridge described how the brave police officers showed guts and determination to nail the Greenpiss protesters who'd scaled London's tallest edifice in a PR coup against, er, big oil and other stuff.
Six climbers were eventually arrested and handcuffed to the viewing platform at the apex of the 1,016ft, 87-storey tower before a London Fire Brigade cherry picker winched them safely into custody where cops later threw the book at them.
A soggy copy of 'Landmark European Buildings Ripe for Scaling' was later found inside the remand cell covered in tears and other human wetness as all six defendants were taken to HMP Belmarsh.
Sir Edmund Hillary is 109.