Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Tony Blair, Jesus

Friday, 29 September 2006

image for Blair installs 'ATMs for Jesus'-style cash machines for wannabee peers
Bungs for Peerages-adapted ATM

London, UK - (Associated Mess): Impressed by the success of the novel way in which traditional Sunday collection plates at US churches and places of worship have been replaced by the Jesus ATMs, UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has decided to by-pass the Labour Party accountants and install his own automated cash machines for wannabee Peers of the Realm who are currently too scared to make loans to the Party in any traditionally underhand way.

The Cash Machine for Jesus scheme has become increasingly popular after it was first started in the US by a desperate pastor in the Californian outback who knew his tight-ass congregation never ran out of convincing excuses for not carrying cash during Sunday worship.

And so the ATM For Jesus was conceived so that worshippers could make anonymous electronic donations and immediately get an official Redemption Plan receipt for each installment of their donations to the Afterlife Scheme.

The easily adaptable scheme has now proved popular with desperate Labour Party policy wonks, terrified of getting themselves busted after the July arrest of Blair's blind trust bagman and chief WMD fantasist Lord Levy in the bungs-for-peerages fiasco that the Met's Anti-corruption unit is probing.

And with a whopping £27 million black hole in the Labour Party's coffers, adverse publicity of the arrests of wannabee peers has scared off some of the biggest gangsters in the UK who nevertheless have tons of dosh to bung into Blair's coffers in exchange for a cushy sinecure on the Government's front benches in the House of Lords.

Labour Party bankers have now become so impressed by the US success of the the Jesus AMT scheme that over a dozen customised ATMs have now been strategically positioned in key Whitehall sites as well as near the Old Bailey central criminal court in London, HM Bellmarsh Jail and the Inner Temple of central London's legal district where a quick get-out-jail card can sometimes be obtained by the judicial use of untraceable electronic transfers of anonymous cash into appropriate coffers within the corridor of power at Whitehall.

One additional scheme gaining popularity is to install AMTs for Peerages machines in casinos, brothels, crack dens and drinking clubs where wannabbee members of the House of Lords now too scared to make direct bungs to the Labour - or Tory - Party in the form of 'loans' can simply key in a pin number and let the transfers speak for themselves..

However, such a variation on the offshore bank account back-hander is bound to become popular just as long as officers of the Serious and Organised Crime Unit at New Scotland Yard have not already cottoned on to the scam in the first place.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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