Written by Spicewood
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Topics: Tennis, Wimbledon

Thursday, 27 June 2013

image for Slippin 'n sliden at Wimbledon
Problems at Wimbledon

A shocking day at Wimbledon saw many of the top seeded players literally fall by the wayside. Slips and falls were prevalent during the day of upsets. One top seeded player was severely reprimanded for wearing shoes with red soles.

A smiling Perceval McAlistor, recently retired head groundskeeper and Master of the Grass at the famed English tennis club was spotted later in the evening at a nearby pub drinking rather heavily.

When speaking with Mallory Stevens of the London Post, Perceval ultimately revealed that he had not retired, but left his position with the All England Tennis Club over benefits and other incentives that had been taken away from him. "They terminated me health plan, and stopped their contributen to me IRA that I was a bankin on for me retirement. I coulda not let them get away with thet, so I ah quit en they said that they would just a retire me," Perceval stated.

When quarried about the court conditions, he further stated, "Well, I was a bit perturbed over it, and well, ah, I had a bottle of cod liver oil pills I took for me stomach, an a well, I might a spread a few of them on the grass as a, well, a ah, partin gesture, so to speak. I didn't intend for no one to get hurt, jus maybe slip a little, an I guess some did, eh?"

Play resumes on center court today with a few well known names absent from competition.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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