Written by Tommy Twinkle
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Tuesday, 25 June 2013

David Cameron has announced a return of barrage balloons to protect the people of Britain's cities from the latest terrorist threat - model aircraft bombs. The balloons, already ordered from China should begin to arrive in Britain within the next few weeks.

Similar in design to those used during WWII to protect London - and some other major cities where Sir Winston Churchill would frequently need to visit - from incoming German doodlebugs it is understood the modern balloons will come in a variety of pretty colours. The new modern balloons will also carry advertisements.

Announcing his decision today the Prime Minister promised the British public, 'The first priority has to be to ensure that our cities be protected from the new terrorist threat, and I intend to make sure that our major cities have the balloons in place by no later than August next year.'

It is believed terrorists originally intended to unleash the bomb carrying model planes over the German city of Munich but have decided instead to target them on Britain.

'The range of these model aircraft bombs are unlikely to be more than a few miles,' said Mr Cameron, 'but as a precaution French police are patrolling the beaches and woodlands along the coast across the channel to keep an eye out for anyone with an airman's moustache. The army chaps are on duty at Dover looking out across the channel through their binoculars for any incoming planes and I have ordered the customs chaps at all of our ferry ports to keep a sharp look out for anyone trying to bring in a box having a picture of a model aircraft on it.'

It was suggested to Mr Cameron that the terrorists might simply decide to buy the model planes from shops and stores here in Britain. Mr Cameron admitted it was a possibility he couldn't rule out.

'I cannot rule out that possibility,' he said.

Asked if he believed the terrorists were likely to have the explosive materials for the bombs already here in Britain, Mr Cameron admitted,

'I cannot rule out that possibility.'

Asked if he thought London itself would be a likely target, he admitted,

'I cannot rule out that possibility.'

Finally, when asked if he'd be remaining at his Downing Street home during the imminent saturation bombing raids on the capital by the terrorists, Mr Cameron said,

'Now that is a possibility I can absolutely rule out!'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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