London - "No wonder they call him 'Billy-the-Kid' Windsor," a UK's National Poisons Unit geneticist said today as news broke about the discovery of dodgy cowboy DNA in Prince William's makeup.
The intimate five year probe into Will's inherited stuff has found direct links to dozens of notorious Old West gunslingers including Quick Draw McGraw, an anthropomorphic whorse on the Prince's mother's side.
Also lurking in the hypochondrial DNA were bits of evil Clanton [sic] brothers Billy and Ike - subsequent ancestors of President Bill Clinton - Bronco Bill and some of the Earps.
And not forgetting Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
The bent bloodline was long suspected ever since ridiculous children's fiction plagiarist JK Rowling and Tony Blair tested positive for William's birth parentage.
The deception appears to be part of a convoluted IRA cover-up hiding UK paedo Jimmy Savile's parentage of Prince Charles.
Expect a full genome print-out of the bent mitochondria to appear as an Alton Barnes crop circle later in the month.