Written by Coldfeet
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Tuesday, 11 June 2013

image for Education Reforms
Gove wants all children to look like him by 2016.

An overhaul of GCSEs in England has been announced by Education Secretary Michael Gove in an attempt to raise standards to "compete with the best in the world". Mr Gove announced that the government was thinking of introducing an I-Level standard somewhere between A-level and what was O-level many years ago.

The I-level would also include a measure of a candidate's eye-level as taller people have higher eye-levels and can see further and are likely to be seen as more suitable for jobs than someone with a lower eye-level with the same ability. This is unfair to smaller people so the eye-level measure would be seen as a handicap to take the advantage of being taller taken away from taller people.

This has come as great news to the many smaller people who suffer from "little man syndrome" as they have to behave in rather aggressive and antisocial ways to get themselves noticed, and so this should help alleviate the problems associated with being smaller.

The measurement of the eye-level must be made with standard shoes on as most people wear standard shoes most of the time, so going barefoot into the test will not be allowed as it will give the candidate an extra unfair advantage associated with having a lower eye-level.

Some taller people, however, object to this as they have no allowance for being bigger - one suggested a higher personal tax allowance because they cost more to live - more heat, food, etc. needed which adds to the cost of living.

The matter will be debated in The House of Commons in the coming months.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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