Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Julian Assange

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

image for Sun bed and tanning lotion delivered to Ecuador London embassy
Life's a beach, innit?

London - An Ecuador foreign orifice official's rant about Julian Assange's fundamental human rights to sunbathe 'on the Costa Brava' has been shot down by the Met's SPF40 diplomatic protection racket unit.

Ricardo Patino said today that the deathly pale fugitive from justice should be allowed out to bronze up his sun-deprived limbs.

The plea quickly saw a truckload of Police Service tanning supplies delivered to the Knightsbridge, London SW3 legation where Assange has been holed up for the last year.

Officers guarding the Knightsbridge, London SW3 legation even offered to rub some sunscreen on Assange's back as the Oz whistleblower remains hunkered down in the embassy basement that's been his home since skipping bail.

Patino's advocacy of the fugitive's rights to 'intimacy, mobility, a normal life and health' could see Assange mount a full-on appeal to the European Court of Human Frights where a compensation package 'for loss of natural sunlight' could see the piss-taker net compensation $quillions.

However a Swedish extradition order remains the crucial fly-in-the-sunscreen-ointment with prosecutors demanding first dibs.

"Plenty of natural sunlight is available to detainees at Österåker Prison remand wing," a Stockholm DA commented this morning, "we've even reserved a sun lounger for Mr Assange."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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