The Duke of Edinburgh is 'progressing satisfactorily' tonight after undergoing an exploratory operation on his abdomen performed by royal surgeon, Dr Gregory Rasputin. The results are being analysed by laboratory scientists though are expected to confirm the duke's 'crazy tummy jolts' to have been caused by a live eel he'd eaten during yesterday's Buckingham palace garden party hosted by wife.
'Da dukie he a musta gonna inta da Buckyham Palacey kitchens anda mistaken da bucket wiva da eelies for da bucket wiva da spaghetti,' suspects Italian chef Roberto Gigglelini who'd accepted Her Majesty's invitation to prepare a delicious spaghetti meal for the guests attending yesterday's garden party.
'Itta notta my faulty,' insists Roberto, 'da dukey he should hava hisa eyes a tested so he see difference between bucket ova spaghetti and bucket of eelies. Mr Tubby, he not even hava time to choppie eelies uppa. Mr Tubby he asked me iffa ita be okay for him to put his eelie bucket on floor next to spaghetti bucket while he prepare pastry for da queenies eelie supper pie. Da dukie he notta supposed to enter chef's kitchen and take foody from buckets, he supposed to waita for my spahetti to be dishied uppedda to him in da garden on da fancy plate. He impatient, greedy pig. Serves greedy piggy dukie right thata he mistake live eelie for spaghetti.'
The Queen visited her 99 year old husband this afternoon at London's Eel, Nose and Throat hospital in Grays Inn Road. He is expected to spend at least another 24 hours there as a precaution in case the eel gave birth to any elvers during the time it spent in Philip's stomach.