London - A spokesperson for Queen Elizardbirth said tonight the Duke, 91, had come down with something nasty in the lower abdominal area after reading Hollywood actor Michael Douglas' recent intimate rant about 'walnut surgery'. [WTF? - 'Ed']
He was rushed from a Buckingham Palace garden party earlier this evening to specialist Hellfire Club gastrointestinal specialists The London Clinic for Abominable Diseases.
Surgeons immediately inserted an exploratory ten foot python catheter up the Duke's favorite crevice and took some snaps of the interior.
A nano-webcam is now positioned somewhere in HRH's upper rectal area and is streaming live footage of the ongoing drama, described by proctologists as a Twilight Zone kinda place.
Tomorrow leading arsehole specialist Professor Sir Einstein Flintstone-Shipman will conduct major surgery under full anesthetic in a bid to fish out whatever blockage is causing Prince Philip so much distress.
Speaking to QM-NewsCorpse stringers this evening a porter at the clinic's Rudolf Hesse Wing said the there was a rumor about that an ultrasound scan 'had picked up a pair of wooly socks' up Prince Philip's backside which the forces of nature had failed to shit.
The Queen meanwhile is whooping it up at Buckingham Palace with a gin-and-crack cocaine girls night in along with the Marchioness of Lower Slaughter and five old tarts from Transylvania.
Expect an update pretty soon.