Written by IainB
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Thursday, 30 May 2013

image for Blackpool erect customs points
The new customs border on the M55

Blackpool, the ageless seaside town, has erected customs booths on all the roads into the town.

"There are three major routes into the town," said Blackpool Community Chairperson, Tony Blackburn. "At each of these points, we are putting booths to check visitors for contraband."

The problem Blackpool has is that many visitors are bringing their own food into the town, and not spending money. This will no longer be allowed.

"Blackpool has to be able to make as much money as possible," said Blackburn. "If people are bringing in sandwiches and flasks, how can this happen?"

On the banned imports list are any kind of fruit or vegetable, apart from potatoes.

"We can't be having people bringing apples into the town," said Blackburn. "It could scare the locals, as they can't be deep fried. Toffee covered ones would be okay. As long as there's no real apple at the centre of the toffee."

Additionally, other checks will be made to ensure no contraband is being brought into the town.

"It is sad to admit that there is a bit of a drug problem in the town," admitted Blackburn sadly. "So if we find drugs on people coming in, this too is confiscated. Again, we want people to buy their drugs in the town, and not be bringing their own in."

Anybody who comes into the town without a knife, alcohol or cigarettes will be given them, so that they can blend right on in.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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