Written by Matt Brown
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Sunday, 26 May 2013

image for I can't believe it's not terrorism!
A vehicle for hate

Police looking into the tragic death of a 79-year-old man from Liverpool, now say that they are seriously considering treating the matter as an act of terrorism. The man (who may also have been a terrorist) was severely wounded in the incident and he later died in hospital.

Neighbours initially reported hearing a man's screams over the barking of a dog. They later confirmed those barks as having a distinctly South Asian tone to them. The mut had also been sporting some sort of hook paw for several weeks prior to this incident. One must note that there is no actual evidence for any of this. Police are basing their lines of enquiry around the dog's recent incredible beard growth and its conversion to Islam in 2003. The dog has been destroyed as a warning to other dogs who may also be thinking about committing similar acts.

In other news a toddler who began crying in an East London supermarket is being questioned on suspicion of conducting terrorist activities. Witnesses described a scene of utter chaos as the boy verbally and physically assaulted his designated carer (believed to be a mother figure) with brutal shots to the chest and facial area. Prime Mincer Dave 'Cammy' Cameron has 'strongly condemned' the incident whilst stating that the boy will feel the full force of the law.

The youngster does not appear to be affiliated to any terrorist group although many believe that this was an attempt to incite other toddlers into attacks of a similar nature so in order that they could form a new super-group. It is believed the three year old started to throw a tantrum after being refused his favourite snack food and at this point it is believed he 'just lost it' and was completely uncontrollable. The 'mother' has been placed under arrest under suspicion of harbouring a terrorist.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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