London - (Associated Mess): The bungs for peerages corruption probe took a sinister twist last night with the arrest of the Prime Monster's personal skin doctor Sir Christopher Bung Evans, founder of Merlin Bioscams and notorious sperm donor to most UK political parties.
The cops' midnight rap on the front door came just as Evans was preparing to flatly deny continuing press reports that it was he who grassed up Tony Blair's blind trust portfolio bagman and Middle East envoy Lord Levy who was arrested by the Met's anti-corruption squad earlier this year in July.
"If I thought for one moment I would be placed in this embarrassing and mind-boggling position", he splurted, "I wouldn't have said nothing in the first place", he sobbed into his lawyer's hanky.
And, defending his stalwart career as a serial bung-pusher to organised crime cartels running No 10 Downing Street since the salad days of Harold Wildson's tenure, Evans lashed out at the system failure that has projected him into the limelight many months before the successful resolution of his personal skin care problems:
"I am proud to have been honoured twice in the past by both Conservative and Labour Governments for my work in the search for a cure for terminal acne."
Bung Evans gave Blair a 'loan' for £1million to continue the Labour Party's official smear campaign of vilifiers of the late Diana,Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain after spectacular reports of the miraculous healing capabilities of its crystal sparkling waters in which he had a design hand.
Having applied for an official patent for the water's chemical composition, Bung Evans beame confident that this immense and revolutionary contribution to science would ensure his ennoblement into the House of Lords.
But he fell at the first hurdle when the Metropolitan Police launched its probe into the whole slimey, shady story of the bungs for peerages affair, which continues to rage even to this day despite much furious wriggling and denial coming out of No 10 Downing Street.
As news of Bung Evans's arrest continued to spread its toxic fallout among UK political donors under suspicion of corruption, the press's attention has now shifted to other reckless bung-pushers who scored dodgy marks on the Lords Appointments Commission.
Top of the list is the Prime Monster's Science Minister Lord Sainsbury of Turdsville - a long-term serial bung-pusher who has given Blair over £4 million of his dividend rake-offs from his dodgy eponymous supermarket.
And also high up the pecking order is rag trade merchant and greasy-spoon cafe proprietor Richard Caring whose seminal career in the import and export business could not have been possible without personal sponsorship from the Non-Aligned Crack Barons Movement, which has just had its annual convention in Havana, Cuba.
More political donors are now expecting that fateful rap on the front door as the UK press delights in speculating that Blair's own interview with the cops - under caution of arrest - will come on the day of his seminal address to the Labour Party faithfull in Manchester next week.