London, England. In the most bizarre and astonishing news to break in history, a self employed sewage disposal worker has solved one of the the universe's most famous mysteries: why the earth rotates on its axis. The individual, who asked to remain nameless, is 54 years of age and lives in Chingford Hatch.
In finding a solution to this elusive problem, the person found "that the world moves according to a pre ordained script which coordinates 17 existential issues and parallels them with debateable insinuations about the disturbing level of gaseous properties...."
Quite clearly, the person has NOT found any such solution and, as evidenced by the above statement, is speaking high gibberish of a nature unequalled in the annals of science. The presumption of this character is disturbing and the people of Chingford Hatch must be highly embarrassed.
In other news, a passenger train got lost today.