Written by Adrain Nominous
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Topics: Government, Labour

Tuesday, 19 September 2006

image for Government to open "New Labour" camps.

The government today announced plans for the establishment of a series of "New Labour Camps" to help the disadvantaged and the dissentious.

Prime Minister Tony Blair said these camps will be "for the many people in Britain Today who have lost their way such as the unemployed, depressives, pacifists, smokers, meat eaters, under 25s and the intelligent. in the light of the new dangers that exist in the world such as ‘The Terrorist Threat ®', migratory birds and those people who worship God the wrong way, the government has been upsetting people so much recently that some have taken to extreme measures such as complaining. So it was decided that we need a system of resorts that people can attend in order to be safe and protected, even from themselves and reminded of how much the government still loves them. They will be expected to earn their keep of course, whilst engaging in educational programs such as the work your way to Jesus program. We are supplying sledge-hammers and chains for the geological program and the agricultural education program has opportunities for overseas travel in which participants will get to see how a real Caribbean sugarcane or Asian rubber plantation works. This type of work clears the mind of the participant and makes them more readily listen to and accept more truthful ideas."

Asked by one tempestuous reporter "is this a simply prison" Blair said "of course not these lucky people are as free if not more free than anyone else in Britain today. In fact the reason they're here is so they can be taught how to be more free in a safe and responsible manner. Many people will leave these camps completely different people; some will enjoy the experience so much that they will never leave."

The Liberal Democrats and several back-bench labour MPs initially opposed the plans on the grounds of the expense and the lack of clarity over whether the system would be voluntary or mandatory and the Conservatives complained the system did not go far enough. Much of the opposition was turned around after the Government's "if you've got nothing to say you've got nothing to fear" campaign. Many of those who would have voted against the law did not turn up to the House of Commons that day and actually choose to assist with the building of the camps instead.

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