Written by K.C. Bell
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Thursday, 14 September 2006

image for Tony Blair Extreme Makeover

In a cork tight spot, Tony Blair recognized his need for an extreme makeover and taking a giant step back into a state of grace with the Labor Party and voting public. Enjoying an afternoon of viewing Monty Python reruns, Blair became besotted with the episode titled, Distracting The Cat, and decided he would embark upon the same mission, but instead of distracting the cat, he would endeavor to distract his constituency.

With popularity poll numbers dropping and fear of being Thatcherized out of government; questions looming about money loans in exchange for honors; the everlasting war in Iraq now expanding once again into Afghanistan; the Blairite team agreed it was time to distract the public with an extreme makeover.

"For starters, you'll have to lose your poodle image by having a real cat fence fight with the cowboy."

"That would be a rather extreme measure. Maybe I could just come out with my own line of jams and jellies instead?"

"The man has you virtually thermal vacuumed out of Number 10 with a waiting finger on a button. You need a real bitch slapping, kick boxing, high noon, face to face confrontation during a White House lawn ceremony on live T.V."

"Maybe a line of preserves and fruit compotes with nuts and syrup?"

Meanwhile, President Bush is attempting his own form of distraction to retain a Republican majority in both House and Senate during the upcoming November election. A Democratic majority could produce a trial of impeachment. While President Roosevelt once said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself"; President George W. Bush insists we have everything to fear particularly from terrorists and the Democrats; Democrats being soft on terrorism.

How many soldiers dying and wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan are Democrats?

"My toughest job as President is trying to convince the American public of a connection between 9/11 and the war in Iraq."

Whew! Only going to prove that the education system in the U.S. isn't as poor as originally thought. The country isn't made up of Wahhabi, rote educated people willing to accept any fable as truth. Particularly by a president who remain sitting for seven minutes after being told the country was under attack on 9/11.

"Maybe besides the jams and jellies, I should start wearing a bowler hat, carry a briefcase and include a new step in my walk?"

Yep. That should do it. Mind the gap.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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