Written by Crunk
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Topics: Rabbits, Bedroom tax

Sunday, 14 April 2013

image for Bunny victims of the Bedroom Tax
Bunny suicides threatened if government does not relent

It has been discovered that from April 2013, rabbits on the Downs will incur penalties for having less than 20 bunnies in a chamber. This has set the hares running with terrible results in some deprived areas. A spokesrabbit from Watership Down, near Basingstoke, today gave a shocking account of resultant bunny-trafficking.

"The Owsla bunnies run the finances round here and have been forcing us to up the numbers. We have had to break into domestic hutches and a local pharmaceutical lab. Most of the newbies are very unhappy about having their passports taken away and being kept in cramped conditions with only a ditch for sanitation, then forced to be sex workers".

"Not that I am complaining about that bit", he admitted, "but the educated ones taken from private hutches have been inciting unrest and banging on about their leporid rights.

We didn't expect the Warren Reform Act to have an impact here, but what with modern agricultural methods and ongoing outbreaks of 'myxy', warrens are nothing like as crowded as they used to be. These days a modern young couple of rabbits, far from being huddled ten families to a chamber, can now spread out and have a bit of privacy. The pups expect separate bedrooms, and we even had a snooker room at my old warren near Winchester."

Some of the rabbits expressed concern at the viability of the bunny trafficking enterprise. "The immigration ferrets are on to us. You try passing off a lop-eared bunny as kin without proper paperwork, and some of the new intake are more trouble than they are worth. Princess Flopsie here is a total nightmare, demanding that we raid the local nurseries for Frisée and Radicchio. The lab bunnies want us to ring their private healthcare provider at the first sign of every sniffle. Really that could blow the whole operation."

"The idiotic part is that we will lose the 25% single-occupancy discount on tax levied by the polecats. That is something the Owsla hadn't factored in. The government just don't think through the consequences of these new policies" sighed the spokesbunny, who admitted he only voted Tory because Cameron's big shiny face reminded him of the moon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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