North Korea refused to apologise last night after launching a missile attack on the Isle of Wight.
Major Jim Bung Fong stated: "It were acrident, creaner press wong button".
Residents on the small British island were shaken but not stirred during the early morning raid.
Council leader Mr Ernie Fuss said the damage to the island would run into hundreds of pounds.
"The public toilets in Ventnor need cleaning and there is a slate missing off the pavilion roof".
Local fisherman, Barry Trout said: "I was sitting in my boat about three this morning when I heard this loud whistling noise, I looked up and saw a dart like object heading toward the island, it was green with the face of a smiling midget wearing glasses painted on the side, next thing I hear is a thud followed a wheezing sound then a small pop".
British intelligence arrived on the scene to inspect the weapon and fell about laughing. When asked
What the joke was, they replied: "Are you serious?"
Kim Jung Un made the following statement:
"Ret rat be a resson to imperist dogs, we have power of biggest erastic bands in world. Stupit creaner, I want press button. Prease be my friend"