Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Tony Blair, Congress

Tuesday, 12 September 2006

image for TUC: Cherie is a Major Embarrassment
"Iceberg? What iceberg?"/ "Eat your heart out Kate Winslet"

Brighton, West Sussex - (Associated Mess): An angry Trades Union Congress annual conference has told Tony Blair that his wife Cherie is a major embarrassment and that the brutal truth must be told to stop her publishing any more of the couple's holiday snaps from Barbados last month.

The move comes after a bloated and porcine-looking Cherry Bush QC was photographed at the prow of the Titanic-esque holiday boat hired by the Blairs in which her ample thighs shimmered with ocean spume on the one thousand be-cellulited goose-bumps of saggy exposed flesh.

Those photos have enraged many TUC delegates at this week's annual convention where Mrs Blair's delusions about her public image has been slammed as the number one reason for an immediate and compulsory admission to a Weight Watchers re-hab clinic for the next six months.

Today in Brighton, amid scenes of unprecedented near-rioting, furious delegates stormed out of the auditorium after the Prime Monster threatened to show a few more of last August's family holiday videos in an effort to shore up support for his wholesome new PR image campaign following the eugenics disaster last week when Blair was branded an ogre for blaming menace embryos for the next generation of global terrorism.

This afternoon irate trades unionists walked out of their meeting after repeated heckling of the Prime Monster failed to turn off the giant flat screens on which Cherie's swimsuit-clad image was projected against background shots of her husband steering the boat across the choppy waters of the Carribean cocaine-smuggling territory where the couple and their children spend idyllic annual breaks each summer foraging for their illicit supplies to stash away into the official Prime Ministerial diplomatic bag on their return flight to London.....

Undaunted in Brighton, Blair lashed back at TUC delegates: "I am not saying that everything has been good, because it hasn't.

"Granted, some newspapers described the color of my wife's swimsuit as cyan, while others said it was pure cyanide. Easy mistake to make but no big deal."

He then continued by telling protestors that "they were entitled to their views" but he had to live with the old girl and any more stick about her wobbly fleshy bits would result in months of pure hell for him at home...especially in the bedroom, in the ensuite wet-room and in the sepcially installed S&M dungeon that the CIA's special effects department so kindly installed as a fun palace for the couple in the cellar at Chequers.

But an angry RMT leader Bob Crow led a delegation out of the Brighton Centre in protest shouting: "What is the point of listening to someone when you cannot believe a word they say?"

The afternoon session then moved on with an empassioned plea by Blair about the War on Terra but once again his arguments fell on deaf ears as delegates began to chant that "she's a fat old cow, Tony, and you know it."

This was followed by a more politically right-on mantra where delegates turned their venom to Blair's partner in crime and began shouting that "the threat is George Bush and not Islamist terrorism".

A red-faced Blair left the auditorium and headed back home this evening, furious at the miserable failure of his PR advisers' stunt and livid at the expected warm and friendly matrimonial greeting that awaited him back home tonight.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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