In an outpouring of grief the world went into joy and mourning today when the news suddenly broke that Thatcher had finally snuffed it. Nicknamed the 'The Iron Lady' by her political counter parts and 'Coochy Woochy' by ex-US President Ronald Reagan, who both together single handedly brought an end to the Cold War by buying cheap coal from China and shipping it to Germany and the USSR, as they warmed everybody's toes, bringing an end to socialism and communism as we knew it.
Thatcher, the first ever and probably the last, Women Prime Minister, won three terms in office, a feat no man has accomplished yet. During her very, very, very long career as Prime Minister, she single handedly managed to sell off every bit of British manufacturing such as Gas, Electricity, Oil and Steel and shut down the coal mines making millions jobless, instigating the Poll Tax which millions protested and were thrown into prison for standing up to their rights.
All party Politicians, except for Michael Heseltine who lead the coup to oust her from power, lined up today to pay tribute to the 'Iron Lady' and recounted her influence on their lives and political careers. Prime Minister David Cameron was the first to pay tribute by saying that 'she had been one of the greatest influences on my political career and the reason I went into politics. When I was at Eton she came and gave a speech about how we would be the future leaders and that we needed to follow her example, so we formed our band 'The Thatcherites' and we bombed. Still she rubbed me on the head and called me 'an odious little wretch of a boy' and I knew then I was in love. We will be putting forward a planning application with Westminster Council so we can erect a giant statue of her bigger than the Shard.
William Vague was next to pay tribute as he blubbered during his TV interview said: 'she used to rub me on the head and call me a 'tedious little wretch of a boy' and once kicked me in the nuts. I knew then I wanted she had and that was a pair of hairy balls and a mustache. He blubbed on some more when he was asked if North Korea was on the agenda for now as Thatcher's State Funeral was obviously more important on his tasks list, he replied by licking his finger, sticking in the air and said 'Yes'.
Ed Millibandilli, spoke beautifully saying that we will never forget her as she was one of the greatest influences on why he got into politics. Ed and his brother David would play Maggie and Ronnie under the bed covers and they would fight over who would be the Iron Lady and David almost always won as it involved shoving a fist up Ronald's arse.
Tony Blair who was on the run for war crimes said today, ' honest to god, She was a towering inferno of fire and brimstone and honest to god I spoke to her before I gave the order to invade Iraq as I had a similar relationship with a US President also but it wasn't sexual, honest to god'.
The Iron Lady's Funeral will take place at St Paul's Cathedral at Tax Payers' Expense and will include a full military parade, a flyover from the Red Arrows, which are to be renamed the 'The Blue Arrows' for the day and will have a song sung by well known duo Chas and Dave. The song has been penned especially and called 'Knees up Maggie Brown' as The Iron Lady was known to speak and dress like a cockney in private.