Written by IainB
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Monday, 8 April 2013

image for Rust in Peace - the Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher, dies aged 87
In mourning? No chance.

Britain is set to have a fourth celebration. No sooner has the bunting been put away from the Royal Wedding, and then the Queen's Jubilee before the most successful British Olympics ever, news is emerging that Margaret Thatcher has died.

"Thank fuck for that," said Billy Bragg. "I'll get my dancing clogs on ready for her grave."

Other popular figures from the eighties, such as Ben Elton, are said to be both happy and sad at the news.

"What will I base my material on now?" asked Elton. "However, I've been pressing refresh on her Wikipedia page for the past ten years, so I'm glad I can now stop."

The Disney corporation have been hired for the celebration to ensure that there will be enough floor space around Margaret Thatcher's grave for everybody.

"We'll be putting in disco lights," said Michael Mouse, head of Disney's Large Scale Celebrations Division. "And maybe a twenty-four hour disco. Disco was popular in the 1980s, unlike her."

Not everybody is happy at the news. David Cameron has gone into a fifteen day period of mourning, and could not be contacted. Although a close friend has said that this could mean the Conservative party could win the next election on the sympathy vote. However, Scouse comedian, Alexei Sayle has scoffed at this stating: "Sympathy? What bloody sympathy? Now...let's party!"

Also unhappy at the news is Beelzebub.

"She'll be after my bloody job!" said the Devil incarnate.

In response to the news, Labour Leader, Ed Miliband, has promised to return all the milk snatched from the kids. The milk marketing board's shares have risen at the news, whilst across the north of England several coal mines are now to re-open, and the railways, gas and electricity companies are set to be nationalised.

According to her will, Thatcher's ashes are to be scattered just off the coast of the Falkland Isles, right where the Belgrano sank.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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