Written by Mr Anorchristic
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Wednesday, 3 April 2013

image for Shocker! Great British Calculator Cannot do its 7 X's Time Table
The Great British Calculator Yesterday

It's official. For millennia sociologists and anthropologists, who have tried to find an updated method of ascribing class models to the study of society and the British nation in general, have finally hit upon the idea of a giant calculator the size of Wembley football field! 'The Great British Calculator' which was invented by a group of sociologists from Manchester University and The London School of Borenomics calculates with unnerving accuracy what social class one belongs to, whilst calculating social and cultural factors, in essence creating five whole new class discrimination's ensuring that everybody feels that they belong and discriminated against fairly and not left out.

'The Great British Calculator' was built in India at Jaguar as the Indians have for millennia, had a discriminatory caste and class system that has 10 different class types and not just seven.

World leading sociologist Michel Foucault said yesterday that 'this is the best advance in sociology for hundreds of years ...a number of phenomena that seem to me to be quite significant, namely, the set of mechanisms through which the basic biological features of the human species became the object of a political strategy, of a general strategy of power, or, in other words, how, starting from the eighteenth century, modern western societies took on board the fundamental biological fact that human beings are a species. This is roughly what I have called biopower and what the Great British Calculator will run on, biopower.

A top sociologist from the London School of Borenomics, who cannot be named for legal reasons, said yesterday, 'we are currently undergoing some teething problems. When we turned on the Great British Calculator we realised that we had run out of biopower and had to rely on cow dung but the methane content was too high and now the calculator cannot do its 7x's Tables. We are trying to fix the issue now, as it is vital that 7's are included in its calculations as its vital that we get this research out as it's taken us 10 years and nearly £5 million to come up with this Great 'White' Hope Calculator as we need to justify exactly what we do as sociologist.

The top sociologist from the London School of Borenomics, who cannot be named for legal reasons, played down criticisms from human rights groups that the Great British Calculator was tested only on 'White' people 'as they weren't really interested in speaking to non-Brits' or anybody who would 'make our research look like a load of mumbo-jumbo' and that 'sociologists played an important role in letting people know where they needed to shop and what clothes to wear so that they can 'fit in' to society and be normal like us'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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