From the first of April all appeal court judges will be forced to undergo compulsory brain scans to see if they really are partially brain dead. The scans are to be carried out in private clinics because the government lacks confidence in the NHS to carry out the important tests. There is always the possibility of the judges dying of starvation during their week long hospital visits, of even worse. Some MPs might argue, that would be a bloody good thing for the justice system.
Awareness testing will also accompany the brain scans in order to see if the judges are still in touch with reality, as many are not, a fact born out by some of their more controversial judgements. Latterly, their protective attitude towards radical hate preacher Abu Qatada, which has prompted the new government measures.
One MP was heard to say. "What in the hell is the point in paying us to govern the country when those silly old sods consistently overturn our sound decisions to keep the country safe. We should keep that terrorist in prison for as long as the judges oppose his extradition. What we need is our very own GITMO."
Qatada is also appealing against the government decision to ban him from appearing in that most tasteful of reality shows, Big Brother. The TV companies are all vying for Qatada's attention because he's hot property as far as they are concerned. Making money wins over morality evry time.
Needless to say who is most dis-Mayed by all this celebrity attention he's getting. You guessed right, poor old Teresa is well and truly pissed off with it all, especialy after she was turned down for a spot in the next Big Brother series. Can you just imagine her sleeping in the same dorm as Abu. He might manage to radicalise her and improve her dress sense.