The government is seriously cosidering the deportation of more than five million Britons of both Viking and Anglo Saxon Origin.
"We need to make room for the next influx of honest hard working eastern europeans," said the prime minister at last nights cabinet meeting.
The deportations would lessen the need for the building of new houses and even enable a cutback on controversial new road building, saving billions that could be used to support the pending new wave of immigrant families in the manner to which they are accustomed in their home countries. Compensation for the loss of property will be paid to the deportees at the rate of five pence in the pound, on a take it or leave it basis.
The reaction from the French and Norwegian governments has been one of utter disbelief and dismay and some members are even talking of expelling Britain from the EU and arresting both British leaders for human rights violations.
It is believed that the idea for the deportations orginated when Cammy met his good friend Barack in America last month. Expulsion from the EU would doubtless bring the country to forge closer ties with the US. The name of the UK could well be changed to Drone Island when the new American bases are completed. Many europeans believe that Obama has been manipulating the impressionable young leader and has even offered him a new ministerial jet.
It was officially announced by the cabinet office that Cammy has called of his engagement to Cleggy and the two leaders are no longer considered an entity.
Poor little Cleggy was crestfallen when he heard the news. He blamed the split on his problem with recurring heamorrhoids (piles to the peasants) saying that David was not very keen on the occasional impromptu bloodbath. It was also costing them a fortune to have the sheets cleaned at the local chinese laundry. Cleggy had booked the Faggots Retreat for the pre-nuptial bash, that exclusive commons club for the Westminster civil servants benders association. The climax of the bash was to have been a daisy chain with all members taking part. Wow, that would have been a sight to make the eyes sore...or have I got that one slightly wrong?
Now that Cleggy is unnatached he is able to concentrate on serious political business and is backing the geriatric Vincent Cable's proposal to screw the pensioners by taxing their bus passes and cold weather fuel payments.
That particular proposal should please Willie Hague and provide much needed financial aid to further his campaign to supply the Syrian terrorist rebels with newly purchased weapons and vehicles, instead of taking them from his own front line troops as originaly intended.
Robert Mugabe's request for another batch of depleted uranium shells in the shape of foreign aid, has been flatly refused by our astute foreign secretary. Apparently, Robert sold the last delivery to North Korea instead of using them to quell his own rebellious factions as agreed upon.