Cowes - A CSI Miami-style forensic lab database to identify badass pooches dumping on Isle of Wight streets proposes to tackle the dog mess problem.
Its findings would be posted on the island's Faecesbook account in a name 'n' shame exercise to out canine wrongdoers and their anti-social owners.
Announcing the scheme Isle of Wight Council leader David Pugh cited the tragedy of two dead puffins on a Yorkshire beach this morning in an unrelated incident involving an oil slick.
Tens of millions of pounds would be spent swabbing every mutt on the island and entering its DNA on an official database.
A hotline connecting the forensic lab to newly installed lamp post technology would give instant reporting of all steamy piles.
"Of course some might call it a barking scheme," Ventnor resident Mrs Heidi Pettles responded at lunchtime, "but it works a treat in Petah Tikva, Israel, where thousands of offenders have been caught already.
"Wanna see pics of my darling Shit-Zhu holidaying last summer at the Isle of Dogs?"