Written by IainB
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Friday, 22 March 2013

image for Emergency service sirens set to change
Nee-naw, nee-naw!

Ambulances, fire engines and police cars are set for the biggest change to their sirens since the invention of the loud speaker, as all emergency vehicles will now be retrofitted to allow them to download new sirens.

"Basically," said Emma Gantsy, head of the Emergency Services Fleet Support Unit, "our drivers have all said that they're fed up with the same old sirens all the time."

Emergency vehicles will be able to download new sirens from the internet, personalising them.

"I think the Parisian Ambulance sound would be awesome," said paramedic, Anne Calle. "It would be evocative of balmy French nights. I'll be downloading that one."

Opponents to the scheme say that the current sirens are good enough, and people know what they mean.

"What would happen," asked Francis Rossi of Status Quo, who heads a group to ensure that no changes ever happen to anything anywhere, "if the ambulance driver downloads Teddy Bear's Picnic? People are going to think that they're an ice cream van! Or, if they download Greensleeves? How many people will mistake that for hold music,. and not an ambulance? Ambulances should sound like ambulances, not race down the road shouting 'This Vehicle is reversing' or 'Unexpected item in the baggage area'!"

Emma Gantsy does not believe that emergency vehicle drivers would be that stupid.

"They'll be downloading sirens of the world, not the Nokia ring tone with Dom Jolly shouting 'I'm in an ambulance!'," she said. "They're professional."

Anne Calle, however, was unaware that she could download any ringtone.

"How cool would it be," she asked, "if my ambulance had a little kid singing 'nee-naw-nee-naw' as I go down the street?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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