The crowds awaiting news of the new Pope at the Vatican were surprised by Pink Smoke billowing from the chimney, indicating a new Pope had been elected.
The little known Cardinalanus, Australian Cardinalanus Shane Straightup appeared to give his blessing to the assemblage.
'I'm coming out today' he told the stunned listeners 'it is the nearest we can get to a woman Pope so I hope it will make half the population of the world feel part of our congregation. Then we have to come clean with you all. It is about time everyone realised that you cannot expect a group of men to go without sex all their lives without developing some very nasty habits. That is the case with us lot and we have got to put things right.'
There was a puzzled murmur among the faithful audience. But the new Pope elect carried on: 'We are going to change our policicies on marriage. We can have wives or gay marriages and we will finally leave young boys in peace.'
A man from the crowd shouted 'You have all been suckers!' 'Yes' replied the new Pope 'we have been suckers for too long.'
Suddenly there was a loud bang and the new Pope disappeared in a puff of white smoke.
A message came over the loudspeakers. 'Sorry about that. Abnormal service will be resumed as soon as possible!'
'I thought it was a miracle' exclaimed a disappointed visitor.